16. Beyond Therapy

A High Knee Walker, a term my best friend, Denise and I made up to describe our unique style of running.  No matter how hard & fast we paced ourselves it seems like we were continuously running in place.  I’ve spent a whole year running and its simply pathetic how I was never able to improve my average mile of 10 min 30 sec.   Simply amazing how I did keep up my endurance & control to finish a Half Marathon in 2 hours and a half.

The beginning as a high knee walker started in mid 2008.  I was working out to one of those get off the Couch and Move It programs to train for a 5 mile race in Central Park.  My training hit a dead end rather quickly when I became aware of an unexpected health issue and went thru a small surgical procedure to remove some pre-cancer cells in my cervix. 

Denise, my right hand lady, one of the strongest, empowering, inspirational friends in my life decided to run that race in my place with absolutely no prior training in running.  Amazing!  We found out that my surgery was a success, Dee proudly finished the race and since then we have called ourselves team VICTORY.

Running became a healing process for us.  We joined the NY Road Runners Club in 2010.  Nine qualifying races later including volunteer work we aimed high and ended up qualifying for the NYC Marathon for 2011.  My biggest pride and joy aside from crossing all 9 finish lines was sharing the experience with Michael and the boys.  Mike got motivated himself and ran the Father’s day race, my other best friend Vanessa ran the Self Magazine 4 mile race with us and Nathan participated in all the kid races. Nate the Great!

I always felt I was one with the road with my comfortable & durable Asics Kenyan. 

Long distance running became a challenge for me since I have a small bladder.  Pit stops at MC D’s and Starbucks and the occasional “Pop a Squat” all became part of my running routine.   I’ve come to find out that many professional runners use Adult Diapers, a guarantee run without stops.  Hell to the No will I ever submit to that!!

Running is self-gratifying. Everything that goes into the training: the hard work, the regime, the laundry, the sweat, the pounds lost are only recognized with a big banner at the end of the race that says FINISH. 

In October 2010, two years after my surgery I completed the Diva Half Marathon in Long Island NY.  This race is the ultimate experience and gratification other than receiving a bagel and a banana after crossing the finish line.    I’m talking about Dj’s, Firefighters, tutus, feather boas, tiaras, champagne toast and a Blinged out Metal.  Super Experience!! 

Running is beyond therapy.  It’s the source that nourishes my soul and physical appetite. I’ve stopped running for about six months now.   I decided to slow down my pace and shift my energy at the moment to my new home and life in CT.  I will return to running one day but in the meantime this blog and zumba workouts are my replacement outlets.

Check It!! I turned my Diva Outfit into an 80’s Costume for Halloween. 

11. Thin Line

Dancing is self expression without words.  A release of energy that makes me feel untouchable! Unstoppable!  Music & Dancing is a Universal Language and has become my outlet this year.  I took on running last year but lately Zumba has fulfilled my physical appetite.   I’ve been attending Zumba class twice a week.  My schedule permits an hour to work out three to four times a week.  Therefore, that hour needs to be intense, challenging, fun and calorie efficient.  Two weeks ago, I had the worse substitute in Zumba class.  Boy, was I not only pissed with the waste of a work out but I felt a Spark. Inspiration came knocking at my feet.

Not all shoes are created equal.  Please don’t go to Zumba with your running sneakers. It’s just not cute or beneficial to the dance technique.  I wore my running shoes for the first three classes and I felt Frumpy and slow on my moves.  I’m a HUGE FAN of Asics so I purchased the Asics Corrido.  Super light, very comfortable, roomy for my Wide Feet, and super sleek and sexy.  It made a big difference on my performance level.  It just did!

It’s an epic time in my life and I am playing with the idea of becoming Fairfield’s best Zumba Instructor.  Ok, “ni pa tanto” but I have the desire to teach Zumba.  Bottom line, I want to give someone else that sparkle.  I want to explore my body’s capacity and endurance to learn a new language and be able to translate it to the world.  I had a random girl come up to me at the end of class and said, “You really kept me going today.  You’re amazing and I enjoyed watching you over the substitute teacher”.  My reaction--smile from ear to ear.  You are about to witness my thought process to determine if I should obtain the Zumba certification.  It’s significant to convince both myself and Michael.  Participating in a new hobby or possibly the beginning of a new career would take time and money away from the family and I really have to weigh my decisions.  Teaching this class is not a lucrative job ($15-20p/h); it would be to simply fulfill a desire and to check off another great accomplishment in my lifetime.  Is this all worth the tradeoff? 

“The strongest among the weak is the one who doesn't forget her weaknesses”.  Here goes and notice how I have one of the most contradicting personalities: 1. Improving Self Image is a given.  2. I am sincerely shy but very social.  3. I can make friends easily but I’m not outspoken.  4. I am very opinionated but I never enter a debate, to each his own, has been my attitude.  5.  I work hard but I always do a Half Ass Job.   6. Last but not least, I absolutely cannot manage anyone and cannot tell people what to do.  Not in my nature.  So I am thinking... Zumba will work and reinforce all of my weakness.  I will feel empowered and driven by the energy. Mind, body, soul will be stronger.  Lastly, I will witness how influential I really can become and that lil me can make a Big difference.

Seen by my eyes, taken with my Cam

I’ve convinced myself already but the only one stopping me here is Michael.  WHAT! a non supporting husband?  Not on the same page? not encouraging my dream? He has pointed out that it would relatively take almost four months for me to make up the upfront costs.  I would need to figure out childcare to work part time in addition to my full time job and it would definitely take time away from the family.  I understand him and also recognize he has not pursued many dreams as well in the name of our family.  I will compromise to hold off till the end of summer to re-evaluate where we are at the time.  But once again, this decision will be a thin line between my personal advantage, my passion, self love and my responsibilities as a Mother.  Always a trade-off when you’re a mom.  An internal struggle of your full potential vs. responsibilities aka sacrifices.  For now my balance will be to enjoy Zumba as a student and prepare to be engaged and completely committed to my new calling, one day…..