15. Delete Button

The secret to life is friendship.  The relationships I have with my best friends are sacred and sincere.  People have come and go and I love & appreciate those that have never left my side.

In my dreams, I am starring down a big Whirlpool.  One by one, I see people in my life now being extinguished down the pipes.  Once all the water is drained and everyone is gone I feel an inner tranquility.  Give and Take, Come and Go, Use and Abuse, Not Here Not There—sadly we see these relationships every day in our lives including friendships.  In my reality, there are people who are weak that are holding me back from strengthening my inner backbone.  It’s become a true challenge to figure out who in my life wants me to succeed, overcome, and take the SPOTLIGHT here and there.  I’ve currently experienced hardship and disappointments with relationships.  The saying “Misery Luvs Company” never gets old.

I have allowed TOXIC people in my life justifying the relationship with the memories and history we have built together. I’ve been resistant to admit that the past is not strong enough to hold on to the future anymore.    

I had a complex in which I wanted to be liked by everyone and disliked by no-one.  Therefore my standards were low and I allowed too many unnecessary faces in my life.  I downplayed myself by acting very naïve, somewhat innocent and now I feel like my character is misinterpreted.  Today I will boldly say “Not anymore!”  Present and aware.  Savvy and Intuitive, I am here.

Now that I have kids I realize that I can't have low standards with who I allow in my life.  Understanding the true meaning of friendships I realize these faces have to go because aside from the past we share no common grounds.  

Face book is a culprit.  Example, I receive a friend request.  How do I know you? HS, College, friend of a friend etc.  Do you really care about me or do you just care to add a number to your friend list.  “Who you know vs. who knows you” makes a big difference to keep in mind. 

I’ll be doing a little spring cleaning these next few days.

Moving forward with the DELETE button in all aspects of my life.  I will live happily ever after, not alone but with my right faces.

"Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget"(g.r) 

11. Thin Line

Dancing is self expression without words.  A release of energy that makes me feel untouchable! Unstoppable!  Music & Dancing is a Universal Language and has become my outlet this year.  I took on running last year but lately Zumba has fulfilled my physical appetite.   I’ve been attending Zumba class twice a week.  My schedule permits an hour to work out three to four times a week.  Therefore, that hour needs to be intense, challenging, fun and calorie efficient.  Two weeks ago, I had the worse substitute in Zumba class.  Boy, was I not only pissed with the waste of a work out but I felt a Spark. Inspiration came knocking at my feet.

Not all shoes are created equal.  Please don’t go to Zumba with your running sneakers. It’s just not cute or beneficial to the dance technique.  I wore my running shoes for the first three classes and I felt Frumpy and slow on my moves.  I’m a HUGE FAN of Asics so I purchased the Asics Corrido.  Super light, very comfortable, roomy for my Wide Feet, and super sleek and sexy.  It made a big difference on my performance level.  It just did!

It’s an epic time in my life and I am playing with the idea of becoming Fairfield’s best Zumba Instructor.  Ok, “ni pa tanto” but I have the desire to teach Zumba.  Bottom line, I want to give someone else that sparkle.  I want to explore my body’s capacity and endurance to learn a new language and be able to translate it to the world.  I had a random girl come up to me at the end of class and said, “You really kept me going today.  You’re amazing and I enjoyed watching you over the substitute teacher”.  My reaction--smile from ear to ear.  You are about to witness my thought process to determine if I should obtain the Zumba certification.  It’s significant to convince both myself and Michael.  Participating in a new hobby or possibly the beginning of a new career would take time and money away from the family and I really have to weigh my decisions.  Teaching this class is not a lucrative job ($15-20p/h); it would be to simply fulfill a desire and to check off another great accomplishment in my lifetime.  Is this all worth the tradeoff? 

“The strongest among the weak is the one who doesn't forget her weaknesses”.  Here goes and notice how I have one of the most contradicting personalities: 1. Improving Self Image is a given.  2. I am sincerely shy but very social.  3. I can make friends easily but I’m not outspoken.  4. I am very opinionated but I never enter a debate, to each his own, has been my attitude.  5.  I work hard but I always do a Half Ass Job.   6. Last but not least, I absolutely cannot manage anyone and cannot tell people what to do.  Not in my nature.  So I am thinking... Zumba will work and reinforce all of my weakness.  I will feel empowered and driven by the energy. Mind, body, soul will be stronger.  Lastly, I will witness how influential I really can become and that lil me can make a Big difference.

Seen by my eyes, taken with my Cam

I’ve convinced myself already but the only one stopping me here is Michael.  WHAT! a non supporting husband?  Not on the same page? not encouraging my dream? He has pointed out that it would relatively take almost four months for me to make up the upfront costs.  I would need to figure out childcare to work part time in addition to my full time job and it would definitely take time away from the family.  I understand him and also recognize he has not pursued many dreams as well in the name of our family.  I will compromise to hold off till the end of summer to re-evaluate where we are at the time.  But once again, this decision will be a thin line between my personal advantage, my passion, self love and my responsibilities as a Mother.  Always a trade-off when you’re a mom.  An internal struggle of your full potential vs. responsibilities aka sacrifices.  For now my balance will be to enjoy Zumba as a student and prepare to be engaged and completely committed to my new calling, one day…..